When Are You Ready To Be Married?
One of the greatest joys of having a long pastorate in the same place is seeing the youth of the church come to Christ, dedicate themselves to Christ, and then marry in the will of God.
Over the years my opinions of marriage, as you can imagine have formed. Hopefully, these opinions are anchored in the Word of God and thought out with the mind of Christ. I want to discuss in these next few paragraphs, the simple thought: when is a person ready to be married?
1. When the young man is able to be the “breadwinner.”
This is an old expression that means what is sounds like it means, the young man is able to support himself, his wife, and God willing, children. He brings home the bacon, he wins the bread. If a man is not able to do so, he should carefully consider postponing his plans. I have yet to see the couple that can follow the old wife’s tale, “two can live as cheaply as one.”
The man is understood in the Bible to take the lead in provision. For instance, look at the wording of I Corinthians 7:33, "But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife."
The strongest language declaring the man as the breadwinner is found in I Timothy 5:8, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
Three observations should be noted. First, there are some temporary situations when a husband may be debilitated and God in His mercy gives special grace to the couple. One of the most amazing illustrations of this came when I recently spoke out of state and I witnessed a man who was severely disabled physically. He was a singer/song writer. One of the most touching sights was seeing this precious man who was so frail that his wife literally carried him to the platform for him to minister to us. Even then, much of their income came from his songs written and performed. If, however, there must be supplemental income, it is certainly understandable for his wife to come to his aid in his special circumstance.
Secondly, there are times when a husband temporarily receives help while he is furthering his studies for his life’s vocation. A perfect example of this would be a young man studying to be a doctor. You might say, as the husband gets his M.D. (Medical Doctorate), his wife is earning her P.H.D. (Putting Hubby Through). Many a young man has been blessed tremendously by a generous wife in these special cases.
Thirdly, there are times that a woman just enjoys and feels called of God to work along side of her husband or in some endeavor that gives her great personal reward. I have known of women holding their own in business, law, medicine, and even politics. I think of women in the Bible that were specially gifted both in and out of the home. Deborah, in the book of Judges would be a good example. Another one mentioned is the godly lady of Proverbs 31. Listen to the Word of God, "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness (Proverbs 31: 23-27). The point should be made that as a rule, the woman who works outside the home should work for the enjoyment and reward, not because her husband is dependent on her as a primary source of income. Under all circumstances, the woman should never allow outside activity to interfere with her home life as directed by Titus 2:4 and 5.
A person is ready to marry…
2. When they come to a definite determination that the one they are going to marry is the “one and only.”
There are two ways of looking at the chosen spouse. One way says, this person I am going to marry is one of many I could marry. By a careful deduction, you feel they are the best one suited for you, so you agree to go with the “best offer.” Personally speaking, I hate this approach. I believe that when you discover the right one, he or she is exactly that: the right one.
As you see biblical example you cannot escape from the fact that the patriarchs believed that not just anyone would do. They were on the lookout for the one and only! Observe two verses in Genesis: "But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence" (Genesis 24:4, 7). Listen to the obvious sense of destiny in Eleazer’s voice when he says, "And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the LORD led me..." (Genesis 24:27).
The “better or worse” fares much better, even in the worse when you know you married the one of God’s choice, not merely yours. Underline the phrase in Scripture, “…I being in the way, the LORD led me.”
Finally, a person is ready to be married…
3. When they marry with the blessing from their parents.
On her wedding day, a young lady is escorted by her father down the aisle and the preacher says, “And who giveth this woman to be the bride of this man?” The father answers, “Her mother and I.” The next step is most significant and symbolical. The father of the bride takes the daughter’s hand and places it into the waiting, longing hand of the bridegroom. When a young lady is “given away,” the parents are saying, “Amen!” to the union.
We see God again and again declaring Himself to be the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He is the God that steps throughout the lives of His people with the blessing descending from one generation after the other.
It has always been my policy in the pastorate to never perform a marriage without the blessing of all living parents. The principal is found in the Scriptures. Naomi coached young Ruth in the way to behave while courting Boaz.
Notice the contrast of the last verse of Genesis 27 with the first verse of Genesis 28: "And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me? And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan" (Genesis 27:46, 28:1).
The marriages of Esau without his parents approval, broke his mother’s heart. Under the blessing of Abraham, Isaac extends the blessing to his son, Jacob with the explicit instruction who he could and should marry.
Jesus repeated the earliest design of marriage when He said, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). Our Lord did not say a man would “flee” father and mother, but rather he would “leave.” The prospective bride and bridegroom are not running from their home to form one of their own; they are walking with God, Dad, and Mom in unity and patient love. They continue the careful walk, until they take the final walk down the aisle. Oh, how important to marry with the blessing of your parents!
Please understand, there are other ways a man and a woman know they are ready for marriage, these are just three important ones.
I love you!
- Pastor Pope -