Seven Day-to-Day Practical Ways a Wife May Express Her Love to Her Husband
"The aged women likewise...That they may teach the young women...to love their husbands..." (Titus 3:3, 4). One of the assignments of the older ladies in the Church is to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. What an awesome and important task but how little of this transpires!
One of our goals at Christchurch is to help our families and always serve as a bridge to relationships, never a barrier. If we may be a bridge for any husband and wife, allow us to be one today as we discuss some practical ways a wife may express her love to her husband. As a wife, you are showing your love to your husband when you:
I. Speak your belief in him.
In a man’s line of work, he sometimes feels like a Don Quixote. He comes in from charging the enemy all day, only to discover they were those proverbial “windmills” of mediocrity. He needs some encouragement, somebody to believe in him, preferably from someone he believes in, such as his wife. Even the manliest of men is a needy creature. "A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!" (Proverbs 15:23). "But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day…” (Hebrews 3:13).
II. Make him feel royal in the home.
"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement" (I Peter 3:5,6).
Most men feel anything but royal. They work in a dog-eat-dog world of competition and often high-handed attempts of personal overthrow. The home should be a haven where they are welcomed as somebody, the man of the house. A place of peace.
On a couple of occasions I have had ladies tell me, “I tell you, Pastor, when my husband acts like a man, I’ll treat him like a man.” (Don’t you know these gals are a blessing to live with!?) The truth is, few of us feel worthy to be called the man of our house. Have you ever noticed the Bible always commands a woman to submit herself to her own husband, it never commands the man to “get her submitted.” We are not allowed, scripturally to take by force that which the woman by her own volition is to give to a man. The command is to the woman to give, not for the man to take control.
III. Voice your conviction, but do not nag.
If a woman takes a domineering spirit, she violates God’s commendation of His ideal woman, which is personified by "...a meek and quiet spirit..." (I Peter 3:4). Even secular research has revealed that young men that lose touch with their masculine identity have one thing in common: a domineering mother and a passive father.
Husbands need to have an open, honest opinion from their wife, even if it differs from theirs. When a wife, however, steps over the bounds of opinion, to brow beating, berating that makes a husband feel small, insignificant and stupid, he will more likely respond one of two ways. He will react with his male ego wounded, taking vengeance by “getting his way,” even if it is the wrong way, becoming a bully. On the other hand he may submit to her, act less than a man, step in the background, letting her take the lead. In this case the woman may get what she wants, but will definitely not like what she gets, i.e. a passive whipped puppy for a husband, who loses the ability to be the role model of masculinity in the home. You robbed it from him, and then complain when it is gone.
IV. Never set your children between you and your husband.
Set this as a cardinal sin in your home. I often tell the husbands of in our church, “The best thing you can do for your kids is to love their mom!” The reverse is also true.
Inevitably, kids will try to worm and wedge themselves between their parents when they want to rebel. It is part of the old tactic: divide and conquer. Happy is the child who knows they cannot come between the parents. Unity between Mom and Dad is teaching the children how to be good spouses in their future, as well as assuring peace in the home now. "Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table" (Psalm 128:3).
V. Don’t share your husband’s shortcomings with others.
Women sometimes wonder why their husbands don’t want to spend time with their best friends or close family members. The reason is often more simple than you realize. The gossip, gripes and complaints you have spread against your husband in your private little “coffees and teas” or dare I say, “Bible Study” has paid off. When he is around your sisterhood and their spouses, he can feel the heat of their contempt as they think, “There he is, the dirty rat.” "The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" (Proverbs 18:8).
One of the ingredients in a happy marriage is commonality. Things in common are jeopardized when you sow seeds of contempt against the man you love to people you love. If you must pour your heart out to someone, the Bible plan is to do so with an older and very spiritual woman (Titus 2:3-5).
VI. Be the shoulder that he needs.
It hurts to admit it, most men are (at times) cry-babies. Yes, it’s true. We are kind of sneaky. We don’t appear to be this way, except occasionally to our wives. We will go on and on about something that has us in distress.
What we don’t want to hear is “Grow up!” or “Be a man!” or “Deal with it Junior!” Oh, but I hate to admit it; what we need is, “My, My…Dear,” “You don’t mean it,” and when all else fails the good old southern colloquialism, “Bless your heart!” There are times our little hearts need blessing. And, young ladies, you are just the one we need to bless them! "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22).
VII. Develop and maintain a deep devotional life.
In our teaching on the husband/wife relationship we often focus on the same Scriptures and emphasize the same phrases to make a point on how we are to be to one another. We often overlook some important phrases. I recently heard that a servant of the Lord encouraged his acquaintances to go back and read the places in your Bible you did not underline. An often overlooked phrase is: "...in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God..." (I Peter 3:5). This speaks of the devotion a woman is to have with her Lord.
A woman should show forth her devotion by modesty (I Timothy 2:9; I Peter 5:6); by contentment (Hebrews 13:5); and through a forgiving spirit (Luke 17:3, 4).
The greatest gift a woman can give her husband is the honor of being married to a virtuous woman. "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones" (Proverbs 12:4).
- Pastor Pope -