Seven Day-To-Day Ways to Love Your Wife
This week I want to continue our thoughts on the subject of how a husband should love his wife. Our four points last week were anchored in the concept of loving your wife, in the same way Jesus loved the Church and gave Himself for it. This week, let’s talk about seven day-to-day ways we as husbands can express our love to the wife God has given us.
1. Keep the little things active.
The little things that brought you together will be the big things that keep you together. Jesus said, “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love" (Revelation 2:4), He followed up by saying in the next verse, "Remember therefore...and do the first works..." (Revelation 2:5). In other words, do those things that you were doing when you first met and your love began to grow. This is why it is good to initiate or keep up a dating activity with your wife.
2. Pay close attention to what she says.
When a wife talks to her husband, she needs him to listen emotionally, with his heart. If a woman discovers her husband is bored with her conversation, she may not say anything at first, but she is deeply hurt. The hurt may be put in her unconsciousness, but it may surface in a surprising way when her husband least expects it. If at all possible, make eye contact when she talks and confirm verbally and/or in body language that you heard and are thinking about what she just said. In the language of love we see from the statement of the Shulamite maiden in the Canticles that communication and acknowledgment of communication is very important. "O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely" (Song of Solomon 2:14).
3. Be kind and courteous in your interaction.
Manners are not something that should be ignored and forgotten just because we are now married. On the contrary, we should go above and beyond to be chivalrous and courteous. Let us guard our attitude, "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful" (Colossians 3:15).
Let us also guard the speech that comes out of our mouth and how we say some things, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Oftentimes couples get into disagreements about money. Please keep in mind that your relationship is more valuable than any amount of money. Keep a level head and be kind.
4. If there is an altercation of any kind and you come to the knowledge that you are wrong, confess your fault immediately.
This principle is illustrated by the Lord Jesus when He said, "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison" (Matthew 5:23-25). If you discover you are in the wrong, do what the Bible says, “Agree with thine adversary quickly….” The only thing worse than being wrong is defending our wrong. It is human to be in error; it is demonic to defend error. And it is Christ-like to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).
5. If you are behaving in an annoying way, stop it.
Many times things the husbands do, especially in private, but sometimes in public, amuse themselves and their guy friends, but is offensive to their wife. You are picking a fight when you continue this behavior and you have no right to be upset or feel sorry for yourself when they “lose it.” Remember, humor ceases to be funny when it is derived at the personal expense of someone else. Let us follow the simple admonition of the Apostle Paul, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted..." (Ephesians 4:32).
6. Observe the things in life she sincerely enjoys and facilitate them when possible.
The Apostle Peter gave wise, inspired words when he said, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered" (I Peter 3:7).
If your wife has a sore back from time to time, give her a back-rub, if that’s what she likes. If she is tired and needs some extra rest in the morning, make her breakfast, even if it is modest and leave it near her when she wakes up. Maybe she was reared in a home where the last person to take a bath cleaned out the tub and you were reared in an environment where your mom always cleaned out the tub. It is not going to help your marriage to explain how your mom spoiled your dad. As a matter of fact, she will be touched when you go against a naturally ingrained habit to please her. "But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife" (I Corinthians 7:33).
7. Take the spiritual lead in the home.
I am a believer in daily devotions. If you attend church regularly, I think it is fine to skip those church days, such as Sundays and Wednesdays, because you are getting a healthy dose of the Word at the same time from the same source. Frankly, the pastor’s sermons and your Sunday School teacher’s lessons will help provide devotional thoughts for your daily devotions. Let me encourage you husbands, since God has designated you as the heads of the home (Ephesians 5:23), to take the initiative in leading out in Scripture reading and prayer in the home. Do it in personal devotions and together as a family.
Don’t be waiting for Mom to enforce the standards within the home; be verbal and visible in your approval of right and disapproval of wrong. Should you ignore it, you are going to make your wife look like the “bad guy” and that is not protecting her. You make sure everybody is in church. You make sure that chores are being done. You make sure back-talk is not tolerated. You check up on the kids spiritually.
Take the lead! "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).
- Pastor Pope -